Why is the ‘F’ word i.e ‘Failure’ treated as Voldemort?

Dec 27, 2024

Ah, the end of 2024 is upon us. In a mere four days, we'll be bidding adieu to yet another year. Unlike Spotify, which kindly presents us with a neatly packaged 'wrap' of our musical journey, we're left to our own devices when it comes to recapping our personal lives. Bit of a shame, really.

Now, I'm not saying we're completely in the dark. Some of us diligently scribble away in journals, others meticulously track their lives with an array of apps, and then there are those who rely on the trusty Instagram feed to chronicle their existence. But let's be honest, none of these methods quite capture the full picture of our growth, do they? Yes, despite being a digital creator I am saying that. It's not as if we have a personal manager hovering about, ready to present us with a 360-degree feedback on our life choices. ("Your decision to have that third biscuit with tea was suboptimal, Timothy.") In real life, all we can rely on is ‘self assessment’.

But before that, to all the new faces, hello, I am Tanushree Ishani Das (TID). I have a blog piece where I have shared everything about myself. I think you will enjoy it. Life is too short, take that risk and read my blog :)

Ok back to the blog..

As we inch closer to the new year, brace yourselves for the inevitable deluge of social media posts. You know the type: "My Top 10 Life-Changing Moments of 2024", "How I Became a Millionaire by Selling Air Guitar Lessons", “2024 the year when I was awarded with…”, “We opened 10 new stores and clocked in £10000000000000 revenue” and the ever-popular "This Year I Learned to Love Myself (and You Can Too for Just £19.99)". It's enough to make one roll their eyes so hard they might get stuck that way.

But here's the rub: while some folks have indeed had a smashing year, and kudos to that, others... well, let's just say they've had their fair share of 'learning experiences'. Yes, I'm talking about failures. There, I said it. Failure. The F-word that's treated like Voldemort on LinkedIn. Mention it, and you might as well change your profile picture to a dumpster fire.

But why is failure such a taboo? Is it because failure is inherently bad, or have we simply decided to treat it as such? It's as if we've collectively agreed to pretend that success is the only acceptable outcome, and anything less is cause for shame and embarrassment.

Well, dear reader, that's precisely what I'm here to discuss. So, grab a cuppa (or something stronger if you prefer), settle in, and let's dive into the murky waters of failure. After all, if we're going to wrap up 2024, we might as well unwrap some uncomfortable truths while we're at it.

Stay with me, won't you? I promise it'll be more fun than your Great Aunt's annual Christmas fruitcake. And possibly just as dense.

I checked online on how the word ‘failure’ is defined. The Oxford Learner's dictionary kept it straight to the point - ‘not successful’. WOW!!!
To summarise, the meaning of failure as per the internet:
1. lack of success.
2. the neglect or omission of expected or required action.

Failure is often perceived as a setback, yet it is a crucial component of personal development. Embracing failure can lead to profound growth, resilience, and ultimately, success. As Albert Einstein famously said, “Failure is success in progress.”

Now let’s dive into the significance of failure in personal development, supported by little statistics and cultural insights.

The Role of Failure in Personal Growth: A Necessary Evil or a Hidden Gem?

Failure is the uninvited guest at our personal development party. We try to shoo it away, pretend it doesn't exist, or hide it under the rug like that questionable stain from last year's Christmas do. But here's the thing: failure might just be the most important attendee at this shindig we call life.

Failure teaches us invaluable lessons that cannot be learned from success alone. It acts as a reality check, prompting us to reassess our goals and strategies. Research indicates that learning from failures enhances self-development by fostering a positive attitude towards long-term improvement. For instance, employees who embrace failure are more likely to set development goals and pursue positive results.

Now, I know what you're thinking. “Oh, here we go, another motivational spiel about how failure is just success in disguise.” But hey, this isn't about slapping a smiley face sticker on your disappointments. It's about recognising failure for what it truly is: a brutally honest, sometimes painful, but ultimately invaluable teacher.

The School of Hard Knocks (and Why We Should Enrol?)
What is this School of Hard Knocks? Well, it's not exactly the kind of institution you'd find in the university league tables. No fancy prospectus, no open days with free pens and tote bags. Just life, in all its messy, unpredictable glory, ready to teach you lessons you never knew you needed to learn. Oh and let’s burst this bubble that those from Ivy leagues and Red Brick unis don’t fail. Your’s truly is a King’s College London alumni and I could write a thesis on my ahemmm ‘learnings’.

Remember I said failure teaches us lessons that success simply can't? Let’s build on that. It's like the difference between reading about skydiving and actually jumping out of a plane. One gives you information; the other gives you experience. And let me tell you, nothing quite captures your attention like plummeting towards the earth at terminal velocity.

Failure acts as a reality check, a sort of cosmic slap in the face that says, “Oi, mate! Time to wake up and smell the burnt coffee!” It forces us to reassess our goals and strategies. Was that business idea really as brilliant as you thought? Perhaps that 'foolproof' diet plan wasn't so foolproof after all. (Who knew that living on nothing but kale smoothies and hope wasn't sustainable?) You see, failure doesn't just teach us what doesn't work - it teaches us about ourselves. It shows us our limits, yes, but also our resilience. It reveals our true priorities and passions. After all, it's easy to pursue something when everything's going swimmingly. It's when the waters get choppy that you really find out if you're committed to the journey.

So, why should we enrol in this School of Hard Knocks? Because the lessons stick. Because its tuition, while often painful, is invaluable. And because, let's face it, we're all students here whether we like it or not. Might as well embrace it, eh?

Next time failure comes knocking (and it will, the persistent bugger), don't slam the door in its face. Invite it in for a cuppa. You might just find it's the best teacher you've ever had. Just don't expect it to go easy on you - this school doesn't do grade inflation.

The Science Behind the Stumble
But don't just take my word for it. The boffins in white coats have been poking and prodding at this concept too. Research suggests that learning from our failures actually enhances self-development. It's like failure is a personal trainer for our brain, pushing us to develop a more positive attitude towards long-term improvement.

It's as if by acknowledging our failures, we're giving ourselves permission to grow.

Who knew that falling flat on your face could be so... uplifting?

The Paradox of Failure
Here's where it gets a bit mind-bending. By accepting failure as a possibility, we actually increase our chances of success. This isn't just some new-age, wishy-washy nonsense. It's more like a mental judo move. By telling yourself it's okay to trip up, you're essentially giving yourself the freedom to run faster, jump higher, and reach further than you ever dared before. It's like putting a safety net under a tightrope walker - suddenly, they're pulling off tricks they'd never attempt if the consequence of failure was, well, rather final. Think about it this way: when you're not paralysed by the fear of failure, you're more likely to take risks, to innovate, to push boundaries. It's the difference between tiptoeing through life, terrified of making a misstep, and dancing through it with wild abandon, knowing that even if you fall, you'll get back up again (possibly with a bruised bum and ego, but wiser nonetheless).

Counterintuitive? Perhaps. But then again, so is the idea that a flightless bird like a penguin can swim better than most fish. Nature, much like life, has a funny way of surprising us. Just when we think we've got it all figured out, along comes a tuxedo-wearing bird that's more at home in the water than creatures with actual fins. If that's not a metaphor for embracing our own unexpected potential, I don't know what is.

The Dusty Shelf of Perfection
Now, let's ponder this for a moment: in the grand scheme of things, isn't it better to be a work in progress than a finished product? Or worse yet, an unfinished masterpiece gathering dust on the shelf?

Picture, if you will, two versions of yourself. One is perfectly polished, complete, and utterly static. This version of you has reached its peak, with nowhere left to go but down. It sits on a shelf, admired perhaps, but ultimately untouchable and unchanging. A bit like that 'good china' your gran never uses, saved for a special occasion that never seems to arrive.
The other version is you as a work in progress. This version is dynamic, evolving, sometimes messy, but always moving forward. It's not afraid to get scuffed up, to make mistakes, to learn and grow. This version of you is like a favourite book - dog-eared, well-thumbed, but filled with stories and experiences that make it uniquely valuable.
Or consider the unfinished work, abandoned out of fear of failure or imperfection. It's like a half-written novel or a painting left blank in spots - full of potential, but never realised. How many great ideas, inventions, or personal transformations have been left to gather dust because someone was too afraid to fail?

In the end, life isn't about reaching some mythical state of perfection. It's about the journey, the growth, the constant becoming and even the unbecoming. It's about falling down seven times and getting up eight (even if the eighth time involves a bit of groaning and reaching for the paracetamol).

Embrace the possibility of failure. Dance with it, learn from it, use it as a springboard to launch yourself towards your goals. After all, wouldn't you rather be a glorious work in progress than a dusty relic of unrealised potential?

Remember, every master was once a disaster, every expert was once a beginner, and every success story is peppered with chapters of failure. So here's to failing forward, to stumbling towards greatness, and to being beautifully, imperfectly in progress.

BRB, I'm off to quickly make a batch of gluten free, vegan choco oats cookies. Will I fail spectacularly? Probably. But who knows, I might just surprise myself - and isn't that what life's all about?

OK, I’m back and now let’s discuss a little about - Cultural Perspectives on Failure

Men and women across different cultures handle failure distinctively. In many Western cultures, failure is increasingly seen as a stepping stone to success, with a focus on resilience and personal growth. However, in some Asian cultures, failure may carry a stigma, leading to a fear of taking risks. This cultural difference can influence how individuals approach challenges and setbacks.

A lot of research articles reveal that most professionals consider personal development essential for remaining with a firm, indicating a growing recognition of failure's role in career progression. Moreover, mentorship, which often involves learning from failures, significantly boosts career advancement opportunities.

The Gender Gap in Failure: More Than Just Mars and Venus

Well, well, well. As if the battle of the sexes wasn't complicated enough, it turns out that even our relationship with failure isn't immune to gender stereotypes. Who'd have thought? (Spoiler alert: probably every woman who's ever been told to “smile more” in a professional setting.)

Studies suggest that men and women may respond differently to failure due to societal expectations. Women often face higher pressure to succeed, which can lead to increased stress when encountering failure. Conversely, men might be more inclined to view failure as a challenge to overcome, fostering a growth mindset. But let’s dive deeper.

Women and Failure: A High-Stakes Game - The Pressure Cooker of Perfection
Let's start with the fairer sex, shall we? (And by 'fairer', I mean 'more likely to be judged unfairly', but I digress.) Studies suggest that women often face higher pressure to succeed. It's as if they're playing a never-ending game of “The Floor is Lava”, except the lava is societal expectations and the floor is... well, everywhere.

This increased pressure can lead to a rather nasty side effect: heightened stress when encountering failure. It's like women are expected to be Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way - while also juggling career, family, and the expectation to look effortlessly flawless at all times. (Because nothing says “I've got it all together” like perfectly winged eyeliner while running on two hours of sleep, right?)This relentless pressure can turn failure into a particularly nasty beast for women. It's not just a setback; it's a personal affront to their very worth as human beings. Imagine trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle, and then being told you're a disappointment because you didn't also bake a soufflé at the same time. That's the kind of stress we're talking about.

The result? When failure does rear its ugly head, it can feel less like a learning opportunity and more like a personal indictment. “You see?” the little voice in their head whispers, “You can't have it all. You're not good enough.” It's enough to make anyone want to crawl under the duvet with a family-sized bar of chocolate and never come out.

Men and Failure: Challenge Accepted?
Now, let's turn our attention to the chaps errm gents. Men, bless their hearts, often have a different relationship with failure. They're more likely to view it as a challenge to overcome, like a particularly tricky level in a video game or a jar that just won't open.

It's as if they've all watched one too many sports movies and see every setback as the montage before the big comeback.

This attitude can foster what is known as a 'growth mindset' - the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Failure is seen less as a dead end and more as a detour on the road to success. It's the “I'll show them!” mentality, an internal monologue that goes, “Oh, I've failed? Well, bring it on! I'll show you, failure. You and me, outside, NOW!”

But before we start handing out medals for resilience, let's pause for a moment. This isn't to say that men don't feel the sting of failure. They do. But societal expectations often encourage them to brush it off, to get back on the horse (or the Xbox/PS, as the case may be). It's the “boys don't cry” mentality all grown up and wearing a business suit.

Is this really a healthier approach to failure, or is it just another manifestation of societal pressure? After all, the expectation to always “man up” and overcome can be its own form of stress. It's the emotional equivalent of walking off a sprained ankle - sometimes, it's okay to admit it hurts.

The Plot Thickens
Of course, like any good study about gender differences, this one comes with more caveats than a celebrity prenup. Let us not forget these are general trends, not universal truths. Individual experiences vary wildly, and these trends don't apply to everyone. There are plenty of women who tackle failure with gusto and men who crumble under its weight. Human beings, as it turns out, are annoyingly complex creatures who don't always fit neatly into our little boxes.

Moreover, these differences aren't innate - they're learned behaviours, shaped by societal expectations that start from the moment we're old enough to recognise pink and blue. It's less about biological differences and more about the stories we're told about ourselves. This means they can (and should) be challenged. After all, wouldn't it be nice if everyone could approach failure as a learning opportunity rather than a death sentence for their self-esteem?

So, What's the Take-Away? (And I Don't Mean the Curry)
The moral of this gender-bending story isn't “Who handles failure better?” but rather “How can we create a society where everyone feels empowered to learn from failure?” Perhaps we need to start by acknowledging that failure isn't a gendered experience - it's a human one.

It's time we rethink how we talk about failure, success, and everything in between. Maybe, just maybe, if we can start seeing failure as a universal teacher rather than a personal flaw, we can all benefit from its lessons. After all, in the grand comedy of errors that is life, we're all stumbling towards success, regardless of whether we're wearing heels or loafers or my personal favourite sneakers.

So here's to us failing fabulously, learning spectacularly, and growing gloriously - no matter what chromosome combination you're sporting.

Next I want to explore a fascinating topic that reveals much about gender dynamics in personal and professional settings - Gender Differences in Learning from Failures.

Self-Attribution and Blame
When it comes to failure, men and women often take different paths in assigning responsibility. Women tend to be their own harshest critics. They're more likely to internalise failure, viewing it as a damning indictment of their abilities. It's as if they're carrying around a metaphorical “I'm rubbish” stamp, ready to apply it at the first sign of a misstep.

Men, on the other hand, seem to have a knack for creative excuses. They're more inclined to point the finger at external factors. “It wasn't me, it was the alignment of the stars!” or “The coffee machine was broken, how could I possibly succeed?” This difference in attribution can have far-reaching consequences, affecting everything from self-esteem to career trajectories.

Fear of Failure: The Gender-Equality Paradox
Now, here's where it gets truly interesting. You'd think that in more gender-equal societies, women would feel less afraid of failure. But no, life loves to throw us curveballs. Studies show that female students in these progressive environments actually report higher levels of fear when it comes to failing. It's as if the pressure to succeed becomes even more intense when the playing field is supposedly level.

This fear is particularly pronounced among high-achieving women in top-notch educational settings. It's almost as if success breeds its own special brand of anxiety. “I've made it this far, what if I mess it all up now?” becomes the nagging thought keeping them awake at night.

Cultural Influences: The Stereotype Tightrope
Culture plays a massive role in shaping our responses to failure. For women, it's often like walking a tightrope while juggling flaming torches. They're trying to overcome stereotypes about their intellectual abilities while simultaneously proving they're 'woman enough'. It's exhausting just thinking about it.

This cultural pressure can lead to some interesting, if not slightly depressing, outcomes. Women might avoid certain career paths not because they lack ability, but because they're terrified of confirming negative stereotypes if they stumble. It's a bit like avoiding ice skating because you're afraid of falling and having everyone shout, “See? Women can't skate!”

Personality Traits: The Great Equaliser?
Here's a glimmer of hope in this rather gloomy landscape. Certain personality traits seem to transcend gender when it comes to learning from failure. Those blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with high levels of conscientiousness or extraversion are more likely to dust themselves off after a fall and try again.

It's almost as if these traits act as a sort of psychological armour, protecting the ego from the slings and arrows of outrageous failure. “So I failed. Big deal. I'm still fabulous!” seems to be their motto.

In conclusion, while men and women do indeed approach learning from failure differently, it's not a simple Mars vs Venus situation. Societal expectations, cultural norms, and individual personality traits all play their part in this complex dance. Perhaps the key is to recognise these differences and work towards creating environments where failure is seen as a stepping stone to success, regardless of gender.

After all, Irish playwright and Nobel Laureate Samuel Beckett once said, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Though I suspect if he were writing today, he might add, “Regardless of your chromosomal makeup.”

Before I conclude my piece, I wanted to address that well-intentioned missile of information that can either propel us to greatness or send us spiralling into an existential crisis.

The Art of Feedback: A Double-Edged Sword in the Battle Against Failure

It's the verbal equivalent of Marmite - you either love it or hate it. But unlike Marmite, feedback is something we can't simply scrape off our toast and pretend it never happened.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Feedback
Now, let's get one thing straight: feedback is supposed to be our ally in the war against failure. It's meant to be that wise old sage that sits us down and says, “Listen here, young grasshopper. Here's where you went wrong, and here's how you can do better next time.” In theory, it's brilliant. It's like having a personal GPS for life, constantly recalculating our route when we take a wrong turn.

Research tells us that the conscientious types among us (you know, the ones who colour-code their sock drawers) and the extraverts (those who've never met a stranger they couldn't chat up) are more likely to benefit from failure feedback. They take it on the chin, dust themselves off, and use it to smash their next task out of the park.

When Feedback Goes Rogue
But here's the rub: feedback isn't always the helpful friend we want it to be. Sometimes, it's more like that brutally honest aunt who tells you that yes, those trousers do make your bum look big. While it can indeed stimulate learning and improvement, it can also send us into a defensive tailspin faster than you can say “constructive criticism”.

For some, feedback is about as welcome as a porcupine in a balloon factory. It threatens our self-esteem, makes us question our very existence, and can leave us feeling about as motivated as a sloth on a rainy day. Overcoming this requires developing what the experts call a “growth mindset” - a fancy way of saying “try to see criticism as an opportunity rather than a personal attack”. Easier said than done, I know. It's like telling someone to relax while they're falling out of an aeroplane. LOL.

A Cultural Cocktail of Complications
As if navigating feedback wasn't tricky enough, throw in some cultural differences and you've got yourself a real party. In some cultures, failure is treated like a communicable disease - something to be avoided at all costs. In others, it's seen as a natural part of the learning process, like falling off your bike when you're learning to ride. Although, I must say, I prefer my learning experiences with fewer scraped knees and tears, thank you very much. No, I’m serious. Every time I tell myself, “I am strong, I can handle this”, I don’t mean life to respond with, “Challenge accepted!”

And let's not forget about gender differences. Women, bless us, often feel more pressure to succeed than men do. It's as if we're expected to be Superwoman, but without the cool outfit and ability to fly. This means we might react to feedback differently. Where a man might shrug it off, a woman might internalise it more, turning it over in her mind like a particularly tricky Rubik's cube.

Creating a Feedback-Friendly Zone
So, what's the secret sauce to making feedback work? Well, it turns out that feedback thrives in a supportive environment. Shocking, I know. Who would have thought that people respond better to criticism when they're not feeling attacked? It's almost as if humans prefer kindness to cruelty. Revolutionary stuff, really.

The ideal feedback scenario is one where open communication and reflection are encouraged. It's a place where mistakes are seen as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks. A place where “I messed up” is met with “Okay, how can we fix it?” rather than “Pack your things, you're fired.”

In the end, feedback is a bit like medicine. It might not taste great going down, but if administered correctly and in the right environment, it can work wonders. So the next time someone offers you some feedback, try not to run away screaming. Instead, take a deep breath, put on your big girl (or boy) pants, and remember: growth is rarely comfortable, but it's always worth it.

And if all else fails, there's always chocolate. Or wine. Or both. I won't judge. Pinky promise.

So what is the conclusion?

Failure is not the end but a powerful catalyst for personal development. By embracing failure, we can build resilience, develop a growth mindset, and appreciate the journey towards success. Whether you are navigating career challenges or personal setbacks, remember that failure is an essential part of the path to greatness. Let us redefine failure as an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-improvement.

Remember, we're all stumbling our way through life. Some just do it with a bit more style. Life's too short to let failure have the last laugh - unless, of course, it's telling a really good joke.